There are days when you wish you could disappear. Cease to exist. Today is the day. So I've dodged all the things I needed to do, just to be able to stare into space and pretend I'm not in that space that is my living room.
Why?I honestly haven't a clue. At 24, life is supposed to be fast-paced and cliched. Graduating, getting a job, getting engaged. All my friends are thereabouts. So what's the matter with me? Why am I slowing down like a retiree55? Things are still crazy and out of control like it's meant to be at early adulthood, except that they're happening s.o s.l.o.w.l.y. - including supposedly exciting things. I have to wait for everything.
Even emotions hit me slower than usual. I can't feel heartbreak until I've done several other heartbreaking things before feeling the initial jabber. Then I feel the need to get drunk. Which is again, the cliche way of dealing with life's little niggles, except I'm too clever to fall for that. I wish I was less clever sometimes and just drink myself silly. Not me.
We all hate the waiting game. So then
why are we waiting? I wonder what He has in store that requires such painful patience. If it's supposed to be a moulding process I don't feel moulded. I feel like a lump of clay being left to harden and crack. The Potter often comes and splashes refreshing water just to make sure I don't die inside. And I cry out. But when oh when will the fun part begin?? When will I take coherent shape?
What do You see when You look at me?
Comments (2)
But thank God for grace and friends He surrounds us with.
Without whom, we'd be nothing.
lol.